about me.
Hi, welcome to modern sequins. A little blog dedicated to 2 of my obsessions, modern design and a closet full of sequins. Enjoy. xo, Myka
also here.






Entries in baby (3)


a bit more.

I've been a little absent from the blog.  I know.  There's been a lot going on in our lives.  I wanted to give you all a little update on our journey (back story here and here).  Our 2nd IVF was not successful.  I'm realizing now that I may have not even said we were going to do a second round.  We did.  We started ALL over again.  More drugs, another egg retrieval, another round with our hearts on the line.  And this time, none of our fertilized embryos even made it to transfer day.  We found out the first week of July.  It was a hard thing to hear.  But here we are.  I've had some time to process all of this and am coming out on the other side feeling ok.  I'm not going to sugar coat this, I am STILL sad.  Sometimes I just try to appear to everyone else that all of this is not hurting me.  That I am "totally fine".  That I know "everything is going to be great and work out".  But you know what, sometimes I don't feel that way.  And I think that it is ok.  It's all part of the process.  We are looking into other options (so many wonderful and amazing options that are out there for us, that I feel so incredibly lucky to have), but it still hurts.  It hurts beyond belief to come to terms with the fact that I will probably never carry my own child.  I am slowly and surely letting go of the fact that I will probably never experience pregnancy.  And you know what, most times I am ok with it.  Most times, all I think about is...I want to be a mom and I want G to be a dad.  And whatever way that happens for us, I know we will be beyond thrilled.  But I think it is ok to mourn what we thought this journey was going to look like.  I think it's important for me to acknowledge it here.  I also want to acknowledge all of the amazing support that we have had throughout this process.  Our family, friends, and even people we barely know, have reached out to us...and I must say that it means so very much to us.  We will get there.  We know it.  We will one day have our happy little family.   

{photo by me}


not just another friday.

A happy friday to all of you!  I guess I just wanted to take some time to share a bit.  Our vacation to Palm Springs was much needed.  We found out a few weeks ago that our first attempt at IVF did not work (after all of this).  It was heartbreaking to say the least.  That's actually the exact wording I used when a friend asked me how I was doing after our long struggle with infertility, my eventual pregnancy...then miscarriage...and our first failed IVF...I said to her "I just feel heartbroken".  So we decided that we needed some time away.  It was so amazing and so needed.  To heal our bodies and our hearts.  And now we start over.  A little hard to explain, but basically, not only did our first attempt at IVF not work, but we also have NO frozen embryos to work with.  ugh!  A very complicated and long story...the bottomline is we must start with more shots, another egg retrieval, etc.  It's been a long process, but I'm ok and ready to dive in head first again.  We will get there.  I just know it.  

And as my husband always says, "everything is going to be ok".  I wanted to post this to not only give an update but also to say a big huge thanks to all our family, friends, and readers.  It's been a long 3 years filled with a lot of heartbreak, but also a journey filled with a lot of smiles.  You have all been there for us throughout all of this and one cannot express in words how much that means.  I just wanted to say thanks for hanging in there with me. Thank you for the kind words. Thank you for letting me be honest!  Just a big huge thank you!  I wasn't sure if I'd ever share this part of our lives on this blog, but once I did, it really helped me feel a whole lot better!  So thank you for letting me be me.   For letting me be vulnerable and for being so supportive.  It means the world to G and me.


opening up.

So I thought now might be as good a time as any to talk about this on my blog.  I've written this post about a thousand times and I've deleted it about that many times too.  I just wasn't sure if I was ready to share.  I kept thinking, well soon I will have some good news to share and then I can talk about how all of this happened to me "way back when".  Well, since that hasn't exactly been the way our story has unfolded, I decided to finally write a bit about a journey my husband and I have been on for the past few years.  We have been struggling to have a baby.  It's been a long road filled with many ups and downs.  We tried for 2 years to get pregnant without it ever happening.  The good news, we did FINALLY get pregnant via an IUI treatment, but I miscarried at 9 weeks.  I keep trying to focus on the positive...I did get pregnant.  In our journey of infertility, even getting preggo in the first place was a big huge gigantic hurdle we overcame, so in one sense we are so very lucky.  Many couples go on for years of unsuccessful fertility treatments, never once getting to hear any good news.  So we are hopeful, so very hopeful.  And we've met some wonderful people along the way...some bloggers, some friends of friends, some complete strangers that I now call friends.  You see the thing is, I didn't know anyone close to me that has struggled with this, so in the beginning I felt very alone, but now that I have been able to talk about what has happened I feel so much better.  I no longer feel lonely.  So, I guess my point in even writing this blog post is the hope that I can make even one person feel a little less alone.  To let you know that my life is not all about sequins and parties and vacations.  It is a REAL life with many many many wonderful moments, but some very difficult ones as well.  G and I know that we will one day have our happy little family, whichever way the journey leads us.

{photo by me}